aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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