I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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