They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
