I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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