Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
