i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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