Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
