Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
