My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
