how can u be prego again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
