Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
