Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
