It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
