So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
