It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
