i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
