Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
