dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
