a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
