I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
