ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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