You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
