would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
