wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
