The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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