Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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