Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
