she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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