i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
