Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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