and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
