Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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