I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
