so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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