Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
