PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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