dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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