i just snorted my name. best moment ever
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
