Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
