i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
