mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Watching her eat just hurts me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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