I don't usually arrange sex via text message
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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