whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someone shattered a urinal.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
