I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
