Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
