Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
