i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
