it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
