I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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