i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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