New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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